Getting away

Well, I took a trip quite awhile ago to a little town called Taos, and I thought I'd post some pictures. This was sort of a solitary getaway, so I am absent in all photos. I know how boring it can be looking at landscapes, and other postcard acceptable shots, but nonetheless, I would like to give everyone a small piece of life in the mountainous region of New Mexico (who knew? isn't NM supposed to be all sand and cacti?)






On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...










The beautiful little avenue of shops in downtown Taos. I was in awe of the greenery and gorgeous landscapes. The drive in takes you past a huge lake and through a long, winding canyon full of gorgeous aspens that were at the peak of their fall hues when I was passing through. Such an unexpected and most welcome treat.




Here it is, my salute to you, Napoleon. Sadly, I did not stay here. Maybe someday.

Some of the locals at the farmer's market providing some sweet beats to accompany the delectable offerings. I bought my first heirloom tomatoes, so unattractive, but so delicious.







Notice the broomstick-like skirt, a staple in this hippie town. Anyone who stays for more than a couple days succombs to the birkenstocks and long, flowing ensembles. This being the number one reason Taos will not be my permanent residence.


















I really felt right at home, with friendly people everywhere I went, and much to explore, it was a great place to realign my chi and get out of Colorado for a bit. I am going to start taking mini-excursions like this more regularly. Taos is only a 5 hour drive from a place I've lived for almost 25 years. It's crazy I haven't been before. It's time to see the world, baby. From Taos to Switzerland, I'm going to see it all. Any suggestions for the next roadtrip?

Hey hey, I just have a few things to say. First, it has been brought to my attention that my last couple of posts have been sad, depressing, negative, or some other equally unhappy adjective. So, I apologize for that, they weren't meant to be a downer, more just commentary on life.

Second, I have some seriously good things in my life right now, and I want to devote this entry to focusing on these for a minute. I LOVE my job. Love it. Who knew accounting could be so much fun, and so interesting, and bring me such happiness...it's great. I'm very lucky. I work with the best of the best and get to help some really great people, so I am most definitely blessed in a big way for getting to do something I love and getting paid for it.

I have the best family. Hands down. No one can compete on this one. Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, I can't imagine what I did to deserve them, but I am so glad they're mine and I would not trade ANY of them. They're all such good examples to me. My dad has such a heart of gold. He would do anything for me, or anyone else, no matter how badly I treated him or how ungrateful I was, he has always been consistently good, loving, kind, the best dad in the world. I don't think he ever thinks about himself, and he always does what's right.

My mom, my best friend, she is the best listener, hardest worker, teaches with tough love - one of the best lessons you can learn in life, she is not afraid to make a statement with her electric red hair (that takes 4 hours to do - props to you, mom), and she, too, has such a good heart, always concerned for others. She was such a lifesaver in one of the toughest parts of my life - one of the only people I really felt understood what I was going through, so again, I am blessed far beyond what I deserve.

I don't know where to start with my sisters. There just aren't words that do them justice. They are my confidantes, my oasis in the desert, I think they are the cream filling in my life (not the Little Debbie fake filling, the real stuff, like they put in the cream puffs, mmmm). They make life so rich with goodness, and they are all so sweet and loving and so drama-free. They can turn any frown upside down :) that was so cheesy, but it's true. My brother is also too good for words, he has taught me so much about life and work, and I give him credit for me becoming an accountant - he was the first to plant the seeds, so thank for that, Jake. And, thanks for marrying such a great girl, a perfect addition to the sisterhood.

I could go on about the fam, but that will have to do. There is so much in life that is good. So that's the message. I feel bad that my last couple posts seemed like I was down on life. It's not true. I love life, I think sometimes there are circumstances that may challenge, and sometimes that does get under my skin, but I think that's normal. It's that little opposition that makes the good so good. So, that's it for now - I have once again, stayed up waaay past my bedtime. It was (um, "was" is the key word) my new year's resolution to get to bed before midnight every night. I think it's happened twice since the beginning of the year. Oh, here's to baby steps. Anyway, auf wiedersien (sp?).

Uninhabitable Waters

The Dead Sea Facts:

Shores are the lowest point on the surface of the earth on dry land

The deepest hypersaline lake in the world

One of the world's saltiest bodies of water

A harsh environment where animals cannot flourish

Do you ever feel like you can't get your head above water for more than a gasp of air, only to be forced down again by the torrential currents of life? Lately, my vision is so crowded, or maybe just narrow, that I can't seem to rise above all the hubbub of life and let things roll off my back. There have been so many things that crept under my skin in the last two weeks, things to which I would under normal circumstances not give a second thought. It's difficult to pull out of this type of funk without an interference. Thoughts alone only pull me in deeper.

Let's do a for instance. In reference to the crush post, I am still on a bit of a crush kick, but I started to like one guy for longer than two days, only to find out he was taking another girl out (on a date at which I might have been present). Um, awkward, but he was just a crush. Granted, this one lasted 7 days, not 2, but really, not a big deal. I have no claim, I have no history, I SHOULD have no feelings, but oh my goodness, serious, serious pangs of jealousy, sadness, annoyance, anger. Feelings like this are not normal. Not after a seven day crush on a guy I've talked to maybe twice. Weird. Okay, that was just one instance, there have been many other happenings in the last couple weeks, equally insignificant, but VERY disturbing to my psyche.

When I get this way, the step-back approach brings some perspective. So, yesterday, I stepped back. I pulled out this huge canvas I've been meaning to transform into art for the last 2 years, and I made it happen. I cranked the falloutboy, brought out the charcoal and went for it. Two hours later, I had a tangible object representing success.

Albeit small, it was an accomplishment, a much-needed feeling to pull me out of the drudgery of all these weird emotions running through me. I realized I have forgotten I have a life outside of all these tides of unease. I love art, I love good music, I love being alone and thinking about nothing. I need to feel like I have accomplished something. I know it's so small, but just as insignificant are those occurences mentioned above that really affected me, this seemingly insignicant drawing turned me around, pulled me out of the depths and got me back into some sunlight. I think I'm still in the water, but at least I got to a wading pool and I'm out of the dead sea.

Just surrender

I just rediscovered Just Surrender....and...they have 2 "new" albums. I haven't listened to anything on either because I am currently rekindling my affections for "If these streets could talk." I think I saw them 2 or 3 years ago with All Time Low, I think. I can't remember. Oh, man, I love good music. Check them out - www.myspace.com/justsurrenderrock.

I think it's time to take another New York trip - they're playing March 27th. No dates in the west, so it's New York or bust.

the crush conundrum

VS

I have a new crush every 2 days. Let's just quickly discuss the pros and cons of having a crush vs having the real thing. I loooove the variety of the crush. There's no commitment, it's exciting to think about someone new every other day and not feel at all guilty, it requires no time, there's no arguing or feelings of neglect, all in all, it's wonderful, and perfect for now. There is a problem. I'm kind of set on a certain glory above terrestrial, so I might not be too happy on that eventual day of judgment reporting I had over 100 semi-love interests, but wasn't willing to pick one.

I do have some sentiments of wishing I could find a boy that sparks more than a "he's cute" level of interest, but lately I'm not feeling it with anyone. I thought it was nothing unusual at first (see above comments about the pros of the crush), but my thoughts are beginning to creep into this realm of unease. What if I can't stop? What if I am addicted to this great non-committal feeling of finding and liking someone new that I pass up a real option? Yikes, scary thought.

So, what do I do? Force something with one of the "he's cute" boys or wait and hope that this is just a passing phase because there really aren't any boys that are worth pursuing right now. Whoa, that sounded somewhat harsh. It's not that they are not worth it, I'm no one that deserves someone better than any of these guys I'm meeting, I really just want someone that matches me who makes it worth putting in the effort. Anyway, it's against my dating code of conduct to pursue and force. I've definitely heeded my most wonderful mama's advice and done this before with sad results, so I'm persuaded to wait this out a bit longer.

I've discovered, or maybe just known, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't kiss a guy or really date until I was over 21, so I've really only been doing this for about 8 years. The normal mormon girl started at 16, add 8, and I'm at a dating age of about 24. So, now it's probably the right time to find someone, and I guess I'm ready if the right one comes.

I hope I'm not waiting for something I can't find. I was in love once. Really in love, happy, never get sick of each other love. After 2 years, I had to let him go. I know it wasn't right. I know it, but I'm forever going to look for that feeling again, and what if I never find it? What if it's a once in a lifetime chance? Do I need to settle just to be married? I can't believe it. I don't think with a decision this big I should let go of my dream of being really in love again. There has to be someone else I can feel that way about, right?

So, yep, I guess it's the waiting game for me now. It's okay with me, my crush of the day is "the cutest boy ever" (I think I say that every time - sorry Mom and Meg, I'll try to mix it up), and he's giving me a reason to go to FHE tomorrow, so that'll do for now.