VS
I have a new crush every 2 days. Let's just quickly discuss the pros and cons of having a crush vs having the real thing. I loooove the variety of the crush. There's no commitment, it's exciting to think about someone new every other day and not feel at all guilty, it requires no time, there's no arguing or feelings of neglect, all in all, it's wonderful, and perfect for now. There is a problem. I'm kind of set on a certain glory above terrestrial, so I might not be too happy on that eventual day of judgment reporting I had over 100 semi-love interests, but wasn't willing to pick one.
I do have some sentiments of wishing I could find a boy that sparks more than a "he's cute" level of interest, but lately I'm not feeling it with anyone. I thought it was nothing unusual at first (see above comments about the pros of the crush), but my thoughts are beginning to creep into this realm of unease. What if I can't stop? What if I am addicted to this great non-committal feeling of finding and liking someone new that I pass up a real option? Yikes, scary thought.
So, what do I do? Force something with one of the "he's cute" boys or wait and hope that this is just a passing phase because there really aren't any boys that are worth pursuing right now. Whoa, that sounded somewhat harsh. It's not that they are not worth it, I'm no one that deserves someone better than any of these guys I'm meeting, I really just want someone that matches me who makes it worth putting in the effort. Anyway, it's against my dating code of conduct to pursue and force. I've definitely heeded my most wonderful mama's advice and done this before with sad results, so I'm persuaded to wait this out a bit longer.
I've discovered, or maybe just known, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't kiss a guy or really date until I was over 21, so I've really only been doing this for about 8 years. The normal mormon girl started at 16, add 8, and I'm at a dating age of about 24. So, now it's probably the right time to find someone, and I guess I'm ready if the right one comes.
I hope I'm not waiting for something I can't find. I was in love once. Really in love, happy, never get sick of each other love. After 2 years, I had to let him go. I know it wasn't right. I know it, but I'm forever going to look for that feeling again, and what if I never find it? What if it's a once in a lifetime chance? Do I need to settle just to be married? I can't believe it. I don't think with a decision this big I should let go of my dream of being really in love again. There has to be someone else I can feel that way about, right?
So, yep, I guess it's the waiting game for me now. It's okay with me, my crush of the day is "the cutest boy ever" (I think I say that every time - sorry Mom and Meg, I'll try to mix it up), and he's giving me a reason to go to FHE tomorrow, so that'll do for now.
I do have some sentiments of wishing I could find a boy that sparks more than a "he's cute" level of interest, but lately I'm not feeling it with anyone. I thought it was nothing unusual at first (see above comments about the pros of the crush), but my thoughts are beginning to creep into this realm of unease. What if I can't stop? What if I am addicted to this great non-committal feeling of finding and liking someone new that I pass up a real option? Yikes, scary thought.
So, what do I do? Force something with one of the "he's cute" boys or wait and hope that this is just a passing phase because there really aren't any boys that are worth pursuing right now. Whoa, that sounded somewhat harsh. It's not that they are not worth it, I'm no one that deserves someone better than any of these guys I'm meeting, I really just want someone that matches me who makes it worth putting in the effort. Anyway, it's against my dating code of conduct to pursue and force. I've definitely heeded my most wonderful mama's advice and done this before with sad results, so I'm persuaded to wait this out a bit longer.
I've discovered, or maybe just known, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't kiss a guy or really date until I was over 21, so I've really only been doing this for about 8 years. The normal mormon girl started at 16, add 8, and I'm at a dating age of about 24. So, now it's probably the right time to find someone, and I guess I'm ready if the right one comes.
I hope I'm not waiting for something I can't find. I was in love once. Really in love, happy, never get sick of each other love. After 2 years, I had to let him go. I know it wasn't right. I know it, but I'm forever going to look for that feeling again, and what if I never find it? What if it's a once in a lifetime chance? Do I need to settle just to be married? I can't believe it. I don't think with a decision this big I should let go of my dream of being really in love again. There has to be someone else I can feel that way about, right?
So, yep, I guess it's the waiting game for me now. It's okay with me, my crush of the day is "the cutest boy ever" (I think I say that every time - sorry Mom and Meg, I'll try to mix it up), and he's giving me a reason to go to FHE tomorrow, so that'll do for now.
3 comments:
Ashlee dear, that was very well expressed. We are all rooting for you to find your perfect match. And hey, one good thing about being a late bloomer (I consider myself one, too) is that when you are 80 and all your friends are dying, you will still be around. You'll be with me at the old folks home playing ping pong and taking belly dancing classes.
Oh my Asho. Yes we are all rooting for you as Chadlee said. It will happen I am sure of it. I miss you and love you! And I'll start telling everyone you are 24. Weren't we supposed to be twins anyways?
'Shelee,
Oh, I wish I could be there and we could vent together. Well said by the way. I thought there weren't many guys in Denver....yeah, try coming to Kuwait! It's pathetic!
Anyway, I know you will find Mr. Right and look back and think, I got married at the perfect time in my life!
Miss you!
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